Living out our dreams

No, I didn't copy these pictures from some web site about the Amish. I had the chance of a lifetime and a dream come true, to be able to see a barn raising right here in the valley where I grew up. A man had a dream and made his dream available to the community. He had lived in Ohio and as a veterinarian, had become friends with many Amish families, and when he and his wife bought land here, decided to bring the friends and their skills here to build a barn on property that he will live on and farm. My mama had seen the announcement in the White County News and called to tell me about it. I almost didn't go, thinking that she misunderstood about the public being invited, but it turned out to be true. It was the most exciting thing for me to see something that I had always wanted to see. The community was helping and had fixed food and there were many people there to watch. Later in the evening, when the whole barn was done minus the tin roof, everyone was invited back for bluegrass and Gospel music around a fire and in the new barn hung with kerosene laterns. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. It got even better when I had the chance to talk to the owner and thank him for inviting the community. He said that his purpose in building the barn was to honor God and be a blessing to the community and that he had prayed for an annointing to be on it so that it would be a place that people could come and learn about farming and horses and be touched by the power of God.
As I had watched the owner during the day, I was a little envious of him in that he was doing something that he had dreamed of for a long time and in one day saw the results of that dream appear before his eyes. He was glowing, almost, with the joy it brought him, you could just see it. I felt this longing for community, even though I knew that this was more an illusion of community that would turn back into the regular rat race for people once the week started, with the exception of the Amish who would go home to a real working community of faith. I also felt this desire to do something like this man had done, something I had dreamed of doing and watching it come to pass. I struggled with Alina and Elijah as we walked around and watched. They were the only children I had with me except for Maria, the others with Cori or at Scout camp. I couldn't really relax and watch in peace because of the two little impatient, curious and careless people dancing around my feet. I caught myself thinking that I couldn't do anything because of these kids.
I couldn't accomplish any of the things that I had once dreamed of, couldn't do a lot of things that I wanted to do because I was busy taking care of them. Then it occured to me that even though it wasn't the dream I had picked out for myself, that after Igor came to stay with us that summer, my dream had become to bring children home from Russia and raise them as my own. Miraculously and through no great genius of mine, God had brought 6 of them home and two more besides. I had my dream and I was building something. It isn't something I will see appear before my eyes like the barn. That would be nice. I'm not a very patient person and would like to see my dreams accomplished in a day. What I am building by the Grace of God and with His hand under me, holding me up, are lives that can possibly be like the man's barn, annointed by the power of God that can be a blessing to the community. There are days when I don't see much building going on, sometimes it seems like the opposite and I'm in a demolition site. The other night in the skating rink I watched my 4 teenage boys, so strong and fast and confident, going around, teasing thier old mama and I saw some building going on, some walls being stood up. They are looking good, becoming men who will some day, hopefully, lead families and communities and dream dreams and accomplish them. I'm happy to be in the middle of the construction, now begining to hand them tools to build their own dreams. I'm not sure what it will all look like when it is done. I worry somtimes that I'm not the best builder around but I am learning to trust God since it was His idea in the first place.

New Year finally starts

The last 2 weeks or so have disappeared into history and I haven't recorded a thing. There were many days that I wanted to blog things out so badly that I thought I would explode. I didn't but it would have been nice. I even had a whole page typed out one day when Raymond decided to mess with the power cord and turned off the computer. It produced a good heart to heart about his interpersonal relationship skills but no blog. I lost my motivation for that day. Ten children with the flu was more than I had ever dealt with at once and took most of my time and energy, leaving the place in shambles. We are still digging out. Hadn't even gotten everyone back out of bed and into the mainstream before paying dearly for the results of my neglect of my other responsibilties. Dolly, the donkey, had been limping for a few days and I had seen her out the window. I asked the donkey keeper to take a look at her. I never learn my lesson when it comes to trusting children from damaged backgrounds with big responsibility. I called the farrier to come and trim her feet, thinking it was a problem with her hooves being too long. He discovered a piece of wire wrapped all the way around her foot above the hoof, having cut in very deeply. I was sick, angry, at myself and the boy in charge. It just so happens to be the one that I need to build relationship the most. I tried not to let any of my irritation show, but he had such a flippant attitude that my looks probably conveyed my real feelings. I struggled all afternoon until the vet came with why I have so much trouble and what I could do about the situation. First of all, I realized that I kept these animals to teach my children to care. If they slip up over and over, better do it with donkeys and chickens than wives and children later. If the donkey dies, worst case, then it will be for a purpose. I love my donkey and will trust God to heal her foot. He knows that I don't need the heartbreak much less expense and trouble of dealing with an 8oo lbs. dead animal. But the main issue is how to help my children learn to think on their own, to take responsibility seriously, to have enough initiative to do things without being specifically told to do them. The struggle continues... My new years resolutions are to tie more heart strings with my kids, especially the ones that seem to have minimal attachment to me, to live life more intentionally, trying to make every day meaningful and not just let time wander by, to more fully understand the will of God in my life and for these kids.